I have always been interested in languages, accents, culture, people, and serving others. Some of my most memorable and formative experiences as a teenager were Spanish class with my feisty Cuban profesora, and missions trips with my church to the Dominican Republic. I loved learning the language, communication style, culture, as well as being able to help and serve others. I loved “dia de cultura” on Fridays where we would go to the cafeteria to learn how to dance merengue and move our hips. I loved being able to help less fortunate children understand they are loved, teach them songs, crafts and games, as well as translate for medical clinics (the third year I returned). That very Cuban Spanish teacher had a daughter who was a speech language pathologist; I ended up meeting her, babysitting her bilingual children for many years, and shadowing her at work. I loved what I saw at her job- helping children from all backgrounds and with various difficulties learn to communicate and express themselves.

Heading into college, choosing a degree was clear – I’d pick 2! I double majored in speech language pathology and Spanish at James Madison University. I was able to study abroad for a semester in Spain, as well as volunteer with the Latino population in the area of Harrisonburg Virginia. I would go to elementary schools and clinics to observe speech pathologists in action which was intriguing, and confirmed my decision for my major…. but there were other classes in undergrad that drew my attention. We took anatomy and neuroanatomy, and participated in a cadaver labs where we would manipulate the actual nerves, muscles and tendons that allow people to talk, eat, drink, laugh. I was fascinated. In order to practice as a speech language pathologist, you have to have a masters degree AND successfully complete a 9 month fellowship before becoming fully licensed and independent practitioner. My journey was just beginning.

(7 roommates in an 8 bedroom old home in Harrisonburg VA)

When it came to applying to graduate school I was of course looking EXCLUSIVELY at bilingual programs in places like Texas, Southern California, and Chicago. I was determined to combine speech pathology and Spanish at the graduate level. As a “safety school” I applied to the University in my hometown of Baltimore….that did NOT have a bilingual program. The rejection letters rolled in, and ultimately I was accepted ONLY to Towson University in Baltimore (a boring city with way-too-long winters). Now I know that not everyone believes in a higher power, or God but I do. I may not have realized this initially, but ultimately moving home for grad school was meant to be.  I was able to save money, reconnect with childhood friends and family, and have one of the most pivotal experiences related to my career. I initially continued on in graduate school thinking I would work with bilingual children who had language disorders, and focused my attention nearly exclusively to that end. In our second year however, we were REQUIRED to do a medically based externship with ADULTS. Other than finding anatomy class interesting, I had no idea about the medical field whatsoever. Through yet another providential encounter I was afforded the opportunity to shadow a speech pathologist who worked at the Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore city. This hospital is important because it has been ranked the #1 hospital in the United States for many years. After shadowing for a day, to my surprise, I was asked to apply for their speech pathology graduate externship program. Long story short I applied, made it through the grueling interview, was chosen, and completed my last semester as a graduate clinician at Johns Hopkins. I was specifically covering the neurology and neurosurgery floors. The pace of that place, the types of patients, the amazing life- saving brain surgeries being done for people with strokes, brain tumors, cancer, was incredible to me. I loved reading patient charts and learning about their diagnoses, what procedures had been done, and then getting to go into their room and help them right there in their hospital bed. I wrapped up that externship with an excitement for the hospital setting, and thankful to have been home, in Baltimore.

The John Hopkins Hospital

(grad school graduation- 2 of the girls I graduated with I had known since childhood, and we are still good friends today)

Despite my new found enthusiasm for medical speech pathology, I was exhausted from graduate school. My intrigue for the Spanish language and Latino culture had taken a back seat but was still very present. That being said, I deviated from the typical tack of my peers, and took 5 months off to travel around South and Central America. I enrolled in a Spanish for professionals course so that I could HOPEFULLY ultimately combine my new found love for medical speech pathology with my historical love for Spanish. During that period I hiked to Machu Picchu, swam with dolphins in the Amazon river, (unsuccessfully) fished for pirañas, explored the beaches of Cartagena, slept in hammocks, made friends from around the globe. After about a month of that, I settled in with my surrogate family in San Jose Costa Rica for 4 months. While living in CR I faithfully attended Spanish for professionals classes but also learned to dance salsa in my family’s kitchen, ate wayyyy too much costa rican food, AND discovered that Costa Rica is the only country in central america that has a collegiate speech pathology program. In addition to my “Spanish for professionals” course, I was able to attend university level speech path classes and interact with professional peers on an international level.  The path we take in life may deviate from that of our peers, but how boring and unfulfilling would life be if we looked at each other and chose the same one.

camping, friends, around the world, big smiles 🙂

hammocks, camping, friends, around the world, big smiles 🙂

macchu picchu, friends, around the world, big smiles 🙂

After wrapping up 5 months abroad it was time to come home (I was a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding- I had no choice). It was time to start working and I was determined to find a job where I could combine speaking Spanish + medical speech pathology. AND if there was sun and beach I wouldn’t complain. That being said, I booked a flight from San Jose Costa Rica to San Diego California. One of my best friends moved to SD after college; I had visited her once during grad school and knew that place spoke to me. I hopped off the plane from Costa Rica and the next day borrowed my friend’s laptop, printer and interview clothes. With my resume printed and a friend of a friend’s knee length skirt, I drove around to hospitals armed with my resume, and quite literally walked through the front door asking for jobs. In hindsight this seems quite unorthodox and even a little brash, but hey, sometimes you quite literally just have to go for it. The first hospital I went to was Scripps Mercy in downtown San Diego; after explaining my situation to the nice lady at the front desk, she said, “I’m claiming this job for you! And HR is down the hall to the left!” I went to HR… for about 30 seconds. I then proceeded to wander around that hospital until I found the door marked ‘speech pathology’. With sweaty palms I opened the door and handed my resume to what would be my co-workers for the first 5 years of my career. The day after I turned up at their desks, one of their full time employees announced she was quitting. Their first phone call was to me, and I happily accepted the position. Part of my interview was completed in Spanish, and my graduate experience at Johns Hopkins was pivotal in their decision to hire me. Coincidences? I think not.

Sunset in San Diego

I cut my teeth as a clinical fellow (for 9 months) and then as a fully licensed speech language pathologist at the level 1 trauma center of Scripps Mercy Hospital, just across the border from Mexico. I spent the majority of my days treating Spanish speaking patients, with neurological (as well as many other) disorders. SLPs diagnose and treat a variety of things in the hospital setting- yes we look at a patient’s ability to talk and understand language, we also assess ability to eat and drink, general cognitive function, use of special devices for patients with tracheostomy tubes, and much more. We use radiographic and endoscopic camera tests to evaluate swallow function and determine whether someone will need a feeding tube or if they can eat. The job was perfect for me. If we are willing to take leaps of faith we will often find life is better than we could have imaged on the other side. What seems like disappointments, not what we expected, a delay or deviance is frequently just what we need to help us become our most fulfilled self.

After 5 years in San Diego I felt a bit stagnant in my career so that, along with a few other life changes lead me to take another leap. I quit my job without another one lined up, went to Maui for a week and then sold everything except what would fit in my car (literally had a massive yard sale). I packed up my dog, and my belongings and headed to Northern California. My intention was to working at a coffee shop or do floral arranging (a new hobby I picked up in SoCal).  I wanted a break from speech pathology. So I made my up north with a friend and her dog too, camping at Yosemite and stopping at a few other landmarks. My friend carried on across the country and I parked at the motel 8 in Roseville CA somewhere between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe. I lived there for a week because they allowed dogs and had free breakfast. I spent hours on Craigslist searching for a place to live and a job- a non-speech pathology- job specifically. I went to random cutsie coffee shops asking for work but no one was hiring. I applied to be a short order cook at a camp but they didn’t want me. The floral arrangers were all set and didn’t need help. After a week of prayers and dead ends I finally landed a place to live and job….of all things, doing speech pathology. I literally saw the job, submitted my resume, and interviewed all in the same day. I started work the following day- there are perks to small town living! The beauty of this season in my life is that I was able to live very simply and only worked about 15 hours a week. I would not have been able to survive on 15 hours a week with a barista salary. The facility where I worked was very small and relaxed, I even brought my pup with me on many occasions- the patients loved her. The small nursing home was a welcomed downshift in terms of pace and acuity level. In my free time I was able to visit wine country, hang out with friends in oregon, San Fran, dip my toes in lake Tahoe and camp at mount Lassen. Despite my plans for coffee shop work, my job as a speech pathologist is really what allowed to me to live and enjoy that place. As I was leaving San Diego I could not have fathomed the story ahead of me, but in the end it was worth the leap.

My position ended there after about 4 months (their full time speech therapist came back from maternity leave), and I was on the road again! I headed to the East coast in the fall, home to ‘boring’ baltimore just in time for the too-long winter. Again with the pup in tow, and another willing friend, we made our way across the country.

My plan really was to do a couple month drive by in Baltimore, i.e., work there BRIEFLY before moving somewhere warmer and with a beach…. and less traffic. It’s nice to have plans, but if I’ve learned anything it’s that plans are really just nice ideas that seem feasible and good. They are not something to hold onto with a death grip, forcing them into action. Our singular human brain is falible and can only see and understand so much. There are other things at play in the world- other people, other energies, things bigger than me. That being said I ended up in Baltimore for 5 years- I still think the winters are too long but the city is far from boring or dull. I again was able to reconnect with family old friends, and this time create many NEW lifelong friendships and experience the culture of Baltimore as an adult. Professionally I ended up initially piecing together work at several pretty rough nursing homes, where I attempted to do my best work but found that environment stifling and unfulfilling. I ultimately applied to the University of Maryland Medical Center. This is the rival hospital of Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, and is home to the Shock Trauma Center, which boasts a 97% survival rate if admitted following a major traumatic accident. I sort of knew this but not fully when I applied….I just needed better work. My first several weeks there, I was entirely overwhelmed and intimidated by the size and scope of the place. I did not know what I was getting into, to put it mildly. Not only is there a world renown trauma center at UMMC, but it is also a tertiary care center that treats all medically complex patients from around the region. There are 800 hospital beds at the Univ of MD, and over half are for critically ill patients. This position made my brain explode. This was far beyond helping patients with strokes and pneumonia- I would frequently spend an hour combing through the patient’s chart before seeing them, googling acronyms and diagnoses I had never heard of. Speech pathologists were involved in not only helping patients after gunshot or stab wounds to the head, face or neck, but also assessing swallow function after double lung or heart transplants, patients with major reconstructive facial surgery to remove cancerous bones, portions or the whole tongue, teeth and head/neck/face tissue. I became very proficient at our diagnostic endoscopic swallowing assessments, increased my comfort level with tracheostomized individuals and generally critically ill patient population. During my time at UMMC I was able to share my skills by mentoring the speech fellow who had just finished her graduate training. Years at a place like University of Maryland will ware on you though. It’s a setting of high burn out, and the city despite it’s charms, is high in violent crime. I am thankful for my unplanned 5 year detour to baltimore, my clinical skills sky rocketed, and set me up to feel comfortable working in just about any other hospital in the country, should I choose to.

Baltimore Days

My next leap was to take a 3 month travel contract position in Hawaii. I was originally considering Arizona or Texas to tap back into my Spanish skills, but decided to also look a little further west. I Interviewed for 2 positions on Maui and one on Oahu – the Oahu one stuck. For me one of the greatest joys in life is adventure. I’ve always loved the culture and energy of Hawaii, not to mention the mountains, beaches and weather. My job at Kuakini hospital has been great. Since finishing my 3 month contract there, they offered me a permanent, part-time position which I readily accepted. Kuakini is a small community hospital founded by Japanese immigrants. It maintains a strong Japanese influence which has been another culturally eye opening experience. There is a strong sense of gratitude woven into the narrative of the Japanese patients I treat, as well as respect and acceptance of their station in life. So many of them gracefully age into their 90s with ease, and reflect on their years with appreciation and laughter. I am regularly inspired by them and hope to age with a fraction of that grace.

Speech language pathology is a career that has allowed me to move fluidly between states, facilities and people groups. I am grateful for the skills I have gained at each place I’ve worked, as well as for the human connections I’ve made, the places I’ve seen and the adventures I’ve had. I have many years ahead of me, and intend to hold my plans with an open palm. It’s the leaps, twists, turns and unexpected things that make life life and make us us. 

I’m starting to write straight away, just tonight which is one of those evenings that, I don’t know why, lead you to cry all the tears you have, will it be the fault of this quarantine just over? Will it be the fault of the pre menstrual cycle? Coincidences sometimes make you understand many things … yes, because tonight Silvia asked me to talk about me on her blog, about my life, work and my person experiences … she would have wanted a story about Fashion and the difficulties that inevitably have to be faced if you want to work in that sector, but I replied that I completely changed my life a short time ago, and with her sunny and positive attitude she replied that it is a sign , that we must let everyone know how we can change our lives and reinvent ourselves at any time and at any age.

I met Silvia years ago for a friend in common in Rome, on a carefree and serene evening and we never got lost from there, Silvia observes deeply, she knows how to see all those nuances in the people that others don’t see … people with kindred souls choose each other, and the world is in dire need of beautiful souls, today more than ever.

I am Martina, I am 30 years old and what I have understood so far is that we must be happy, we must go to bed with our hearts in peace and wake up with the pride of putting all our efforts into what we do.

I graduated in Fashion and I did everything to work in this area, I tried many roles, I changed many cities, I learned English, but it was never enough, I was never the daughter or spouse of a famous or powerful one, I was not never qualified enough, I  never had the right amount of experience … people did everything to put a stick in my wheels, because in this world there is so much competition you know … and I every day became more and more sad, more empty, more unmotivated … so I decided to leave everything behind … I understood that if you insist on things, of whatever kind they are and they never take the right turn, maybe they simply aren’t the right things for you … it is useless to put one’s head on and damn one’s soul; so I decided to stop.

And suddenly the right way for me has come … now I work with young children, from 0 to 3 years old and often also with older ones.

I am taking another degree in pedagogy and on weekends I work in a beach resort, on the sand, with people … now I am happy … it was enough to understand it: it is never late to understand which way to go.

I hope that sooner or later it will happen to me the same with love, because so far it has been a bit like in my career path … I have always gone the wrong way and insisted where I shouldn’t have … also love I think it is ready to arrive after we stopped and especially after we first realized ourselves.

Where and when everything started..

I was born from a poor family in a village on the outskirts of the city of Rome; a harsh environment, which from the early years made me understand that life would be tough for me.

Abuses were on the agenda, and my mother for fear of a street so reluctant towards two children who had never seen the shadow of dangers locked us in the house; so I never left the four walls of my room..

We had to do something so we watched tons of movies. I was lucky enough to grow up among the years 80 and 90 and unlike the other children I looked at things bigger than me: at 10 I knew directors like Coppola, I filled the afternoons with Neapolitan comedies and all that Hollywood cinema that characterized the era.

Growing up I understood that what I lived in a time that was not mine; I listened to Elvis, the Beatles, bob Dylan; I watched the cinema from the 70s and 80s and I was alone … even among the other children, they did not understand what I was talking about …

All that time being alone, at home, among people, developed my instinct to escape; escape from that village, from the walls of my room..

I imagined.. I made stories with the head of which I was the protagonist …

I still didn’t know what my way was: at 20 years old I suffered from anorexia and Bulimia… the darkest, lowest, toughest period I have ever lived.

As children we were poor yes, but being starving because you are not well with yourself, because you don’t accept what you are is different …

I refused any kind of help; I also challenged my Italian teacher, he wanted to send me to the psychologist and I refused: “I know that the problem is in my head; and in my head there would be the solution. I am the only one who can enter it” this was my answer, I harassed myself until the end of our school life for this.

I remember for eight months I never left the house, during the day I slept, at night I was awake, I ate and I rejected food in the toilet for hours … until the umpteenth dawn..

The weight dropped dramatically, at the end I weighed 60 kilograms; sometimes I found myself talking alone in the dark; crying for no reason… I didn’t see why I should still be there .. I didn’t see prospects, I could no longer to i imagine .. that thing that had taken me away from those walls for almost all my life seemed to have vanished …

If there is one thing I have always had with me is that I don’t give up; my grandmother was like that: just when the barter it was getting darker, one night while I vomited the usual food and choked my soul, I turned on the small TV in the kitchen: I don’t know why I did it … it was a very small black and white TV.. there was a special show about first Rocky.

I was struck by the fact that one who came from the infamous neighborhoods of new York, with a paralysis to the face and not good-looking had made it; against everything and everyone; a voice in the mind said: “this is what you must do: the actor!”

It was two in the morning I turned off the television; the next morning at 5:30 I left the house without warning anyone, after eight months of isolation; my mother called me after an hour worried something had happened .. that I had done something … instead I replied: “I’m going to school; I think it’s over.. today I’m not going back for lunch, I’m going to see the school theater courses .. and I would like to enroll in the gym..”

The problem was in my mind.. and my mind solved it … the theater, that movie saved the my life.

Theatre

When I left high school, I already had a lot of little scars on my face.

At the academy I was dodged by my classmates cause I didn’t look like the actor they were used to.

I always thought that the search for perfection leads you to solitude for a certain period; I was used to it; it was like I was in my room as a child … my appearance did not border on that of the actor par excellence.

Because of my muscles, my physicality, many directors didn’t even let me audition; the first great lesson I received was just this: “make this your strength.. they believe that you are all here; they are underestimating you, it will be more funny to show them your light.. find the way!”

We did not have the money to pay for the academy and I had to leave: my teacher insisted a lot to make me stay but I could not .. the last time I saw my class a phrase came out of nowhere in my mind and it is still there: “nobody  taught Picasso to paint; so if there something special in me, it will come out” so.. not give up!

I worked, I transported furniture and meanwhile I studied, I bought books, I practiced, I did auditions, began to work with those who knew about the theater, with professionals; among them I never spoke, I listened to them, I studied them, how they moved, why they did it …

I studied philosophy; philosophy helped me a lot to grow as an actor, in the end he started to make me known, I started to produce small shows.

Now what I played were not my lyrics but donor texts already famous and known for at least 200 years: authors such as feydeau, and people came but seemed listless; “why don’t you take this tract?” I asked myself; I wrote for the cinema but not for the theater; “staged in front of 200 people and hear their judgment” this was my thought.

Now one thing happened: a show I was the protagonist and producer made a crazy flop; the audience had not welcomed the show well, and I lost almost 3000 euros.

I had a small son and a modest salary the blow was huge; I wanted to leave … my partner said to me: “if you want to leave it ok… but will you be able to live with the thing that you have never played the stories you have always been writing? Can you do it every day?”; and then if I had to leave I had to do it in a big way “you do it big or you don’t do it at all ”

I wrote a comedy, I presented myself at the Cassia Theater that was preparing the playbill for the new season; while I was in the waiting room I listened to the artistic director who spoke with the other directors: “this will never take me seriously” I thought, when I entered he looked into my eyes: “who are you?” he asked me, I answered: “Fabrizio Nalli” and he: “never heard”..

I had started very bad and then he told me that the auditions for the new faces were closed; I replied: “I am here to present a show”, he asked who was the author, I replied that it was me; he asked me who was the director; I replied that it was me; he asked me who was part of the cast; I replied that in the cast I was there too, then he asked me: “How old are you?” and I: “27”; he said that I was too young as an author: “maybe that’s why you shouldn’t send me away” I replied then I convinced him to read the text.

I waited an hour outside the office, I heard his laughter from outside; when I came back he filled me with compliments on my way of writing, but he told me that there was no room for new authors and that to enter the playbill, at least 150 tickets sold had to be guaranteed to the theater; I said I got them; the artistic director told me that I had two days; if I had brought the sum of the 150 tickets I would have entered the playbill …

I bought 150 tickets with the only savings I had … I threw up from the beginning to the end, I was tense I didn’t have my audience, I had to create it, and I had to sell at least the 150 tickets that I had bought.

I did a good advertising campaign and at the end of the evening of the first in the Hall there were 360 ​​people … so many!! nobody believed I could do it; after 5 minutes I felt the audience laughing at rips throat; an actress behind the scenes turned and said to me: “Fabri they are all laughing and enjoying!!” I did it ..

The artistic director said he had not seen the theater so full for years; I exploded the Cassia Theater; I trusted them and wrote 10 more comedies & horror ..

Today I have my company, I feel at home at the Theater of the Heroes and travel among the professionals of the sector.

The road is still long.. I continue my studies as a self-taught, but the best thing about this trip is the certainty of truth; art is this; and each individual is unique..

The message of each of us singular and universal..

Imagination is the will of the gods, nature the heart of human beings..

If there is something in us it is, whether it is theater, that it is cinema or whatever other form our being can be expressed, we must let nature take its course; I learned to speak like this thanks to this journey that theater is …

Favorite Actors

If I had to say the best of the past I really liked Robert De Niro; the hero of Hollywood; when Hollywood went down for the action movies he and Coppola maintained a cinematographic tradition of great masterpieces.

But if I have to pick the bests to say, I would choose the most tenacious … all those like me .. famous but who continue to inspire others and themselves … to succeed in this world is not easy … but it was harder to stay behind four walls imagining what reality was …

When I’m up there I cry to the world of my curse .. and how much I love it …

This year I will stage “And if … once upon a time” a comedy written, directed and interpreted by me (as usual) and I will fulfill my dream again….

Dove e Come tutto è cominciato: Sono nato da una famiglia povera in una borgata ai confini della città di Roma; un ambiente duro, che fin dai primi anni mi fece capire che non mi voleva; i soprusi erano all’ordine del giorno, e mia madre per paura di una strada così riluttante nei confronti di due bambini che mai avevano visto l’ombra della strada ci rinchiuse in casa; mai usciti dalle quattro mura della nostra stanza.. dovevamo pur fare qualcosa e guardavamo film; ho avuto la fortuna di crescere a cavallo tra gli anni 80 e 90, al contrario degli altri bambini guardavo cose più grandi di me; a 10 anni conoscevo registi come Coppola, riempivo i pomeriggi con le commedie napoletane d’autore e tutto quel cinema di Hollywood che caratterizzava l’epoca..

Crescendo capii che quello che vivevo un tempo che non era il mio; ascoltavo Elvis, i Beatles, bob Dylan; guardavo il cinema anni 70/80 ed ero solo… anche in mezzo agli altri bambini, loro non capivano di cosa io parlassi… tutto quello stare solo, a casa, tra le persone, sviluppò il mio istinto ad evadere; evadere da quella borgata, dalle mura della mia stanza.. immaginavo.. creavo storie con la testa di cui ero il protagonista…

Il teatro: oramai adolescente ancora non sapevo quale fosse la mia strada, a 20 anni soffrii di anoressia e bulimia.. il periodo più buio, più basso, più cupo che abbia mai passato. Da piccoli eravamo poveri si, ma la fame perché non stai bene con te stesso, perché non accetti ciò che sei è diversa…rifiutavo ogni tipo di aiuto; mi misi contro anche la mia docente di italiano, voleva mandarmi dallo psicologo e mi rifiutai: “so che il problema è nella mia testa; e nella mia testa posso entrarci solo io” questa fu la mia risposta. Mi ha tartassato fino alla fine della nostra convivenza scolastica per questo motivo; ricordo per otto mesi non uscii mai di casa, di giorno dormivo, la notte stavo sveglio, mangiavo e rigettavo il cibo nel water per ore… fino all’ennesima alba.. il peso scendeva vertiginosamente, alla fine pesavo 60 chilogrammi, alle volte mi trovavo a parlare da solo al buio; piangere senza motivo… non vedevo il motivo per cui avrei dovuto ancora esserci.. non vedevo prospettive, non riuscivo più ad immaginare.. quella cosa che mi aveva portato via da quelle mura per quasi tutta la vita sembrava svanita…

Se c’è una cosa che ho sempre avuto con me è che io non mollo; mia nonna era cosi; proprio quando il baratro si faceva sempre più buio, una notte mentre vomitavo i soliti cibi e strozzavo l’anima, accesi il piccolo televisore della cucina.. non so’ perché lo feci…era un piccolissimo televisore in bianco e nero.. c’era uno speciale parlavano del primo Rocky; mi colpì il fatto che uno che veniva dai quartieri malfamati di New York, con una paralisi alla faccia e non di bell’aspetto ce l’avesse fatta; contro tutto e tutti.

Una voce nella mente mi disse: “questo devi fare, l’attore!”.

Erano le due di notte spensi il televisore; la mattina dopo alle 5:30 uscii di casa senza avvisare nessuno, dopo otto mesi di isolamento; mia madre mi chiamò dopo un’ora preoccupata fosse successo qualcosa.. che avessi fatto qualcosa… invece risposi: “sto andando a scuola; credo sia finita, sia finita per sempre.. oggi non torno per pranzo, vado a vedere i corsi teatrali della scuola.. e vorrei iscrivermi in palestra..” il problema era nella mia mente.. e la mia mente lo risolse… il teatro, quel film hanno salvato la mia vita.

Uscito dal liceo avevo all’attivo già molti spettacoli; all’accademia venivo scansato dai miei compagni, non avevo l’aspetto dell’attore a cui erano abituati… il mio aspetto non rasentava quello dell’attore per eccellenza; per via dei miei muscoli, della mia fisicità, molti registi neanche mi facevamo fare il provino; la prima grande lezione che ricevetti fu proprio questa: “fai di questo la tua forza.. loro credono che tu sia tutto qui; ti stanno sottovalutando, sarà più facile far vedere loro la tua luce.. trova il modo”

Non avevamo i soldi per pagare l’accademia e dovetti lasciare: la mia insegnante insistette tanto per farmi restare ma non potevo.. l’ultima volta che vidi la mia classe una frase uscì dal nulla nella mia mente e ancora è li: “nessuno ha insegnato a Picasso a dipingere; se c’è qualcosa uscirà fuori”

Quindi non mollai! Lavoravo, trasportavo mobili e intanto studiavo, compravo libri, mi esercitavo, facevo provini.

Iniziai a lavorare con chi di teatro ne sapeva, con professionisti, con loro non parlavo mai, li ascoltavo, li studiavo, come si muovevano, il perché lo facevano.. studiavo filosofia; la filosofia mi aiutò molto a crescere come attore.

Così iniziai a farmi conoscere, iniziai a produrre piccoli spettacoli; quello che producevo non erano testi miei ma testi donatori che il teatro già conosce da almeno 200 anni: autori come Feydeau. Le persone venivano ma sembravano svogliate. “Questo teatro perché non li prende?” mi chiedevo; io scrivevo per il cinema ma non per il teatro; “meglio farsi rifiutare un testo al cinema che portarlo in scena di fronte a 200 persone e sentire il loro giudizio” questo era il mio pensiero; poi successe una cosa: uno spettacolo di cui ero protagonista e produttore fece un flop pazzesco; il pubblico non aveva accolto bene lo spettacolo, e io ci rimisi quasi 3000 euro.

Avevo un figlio piccolo e uno stipendio modesto: la botta fu enorme; volevo lasciare…la mia compagna mi disse: “se vuoi lasciare fallo…ma riuscirai a vivere con la cosa che non le hai mai scritte tu le storie che porti in scena? quando sei abituato a scrivere tutti i giorni..” e allora se dovevo lasciare dovevo farlo in grande stile:  “la fai grossa o non la fai per niente”.

Scrissi una commedia, mi presentai al Teatro Cassia che stava allestendo il cartellone per la nuova stagione; mentre aspettavo nella sala d’attesa ascoltavo il direttore artistico che parlava con gli altri registi: ”questo non mi prenderà mai sul serio” pensavo, quando entrai mi guardò negli occhi: ”lei è?” mi chiese, io risposi: ”Fabrizio Nalli” e lui: “mai sentito” (mmm cominciavamo bene); mi disse che i provini per i nuovi volti erano chiusi, io risposi: ”sono qui  per presentare uno spettacolo”; mi chiese l’autore, risposi che ero io; mi chiese la regia, risposi che ero io; mi chiese chi facesse parte del cast, risposi che nel cast c’ero anche io; poi mi chiese: ”quanti anni ha?” e io: ”27”; lui disse che ero troppo giovane come autore: “forse per questo non dovrebbe mandarmi via” risposi; allora lo convinsi a leggere il testo.

Ho aspettato un’ora fuori dall’ufficio sentivo le sue risate da fuori; quando rientrai mi riempì di complimenti sul mio modo di scrivere, ma mi disse che non c’era spazio per nuovi autori e che per entrare nel cartellone bisognava assicurare al teatro almeno 150 posti; io dissi di avere 150 biglietti già venduti; il direttore artistico mi disse che avevo due giorni; se avessi portato la somma dei 150 biglietti sarei entrato in cartellone… comprai 150 biglietti con gli unici risparmi che avevo…

Rischiai dall’inizio alla fine, ero teso, non avevo un mio pubblico, dovevo crearmelo, e dovevo vendere almeno i 150 biglietti che avevo comprato io.

Feci una buona campagna pubblicitaria e alla fine alla sera della prima in Sala c’erano 360 persone.. nessuno credeva potessi farcela; dopo 5 minuti sentivo il pubblico ridere a squarciagola; un’attrice dietro le quinte si voltò e mi disse: “ma stanno ridendo Fabri”!

Ce l’avevo fatta.. contro tutto e tutti! alla fine fu plateale: il direttore artistico disse di non aver visto il teatro così pieno da anni; il Teatro Cassia esplodeva di gente, ma soprattutto di gente rideva.

Da li presi fiducia e scrissi altre 10 commedie e un horror.

Oggi ho la mia compagnia, sono di casa al Teatro degli Eroi e viaggio tra i professionisti del settore; la strada è ancora lunga.. continuo la mia fase di studio da autodidatta, ma la cosa più bella di questo viaggio è la certezza della verità; l’arte è questo; ed ogni individuo è unico..

Il messaggio di ognuno di noi singolare ed universale..

L’immaginazione è la volontà degli dei, la natura il cuore degli esseri umani..

Se qualcosa in noi c’è, che sia teatro, che sia cinema o una qualunque altra forma, il nostro essere si possa esprimere, bisogna lasciar fare il proprio corso alla natura.

Ho imparato a parlare così grazie a questo viaggio che il teatro è..

Attori preferiti:

Se dovessi dire il migliore del passato, mi piaceva molto Robert De Niro; l’eroe di Hollywood.

Quando Hollywood si scendeva per i film di azione lui e Coppola mantennero una tradizione cinematografica di grandi capolavori.

Ma se dovessi scegliere l’attore più tenace, allora nominerei tutti quelli come me: che non sono famosi ma continuano ad ispirare ed ispirarsi.

Sbracciare in questo mondo non è semplice… ma era più dura starsene dietro quattro mura immaginando cosa fosse la realtà… quando sono lì sopra grido al mondo della mia maledizione.. e di quanto la amo…

Quest’anno porterò in scena “E se.. c’era una volta”: una commedia scritta, diretta ed interpretata da me (come al solito) e coronerò di nuovo il mio sogno….